Page 60 - The Gonzaga Record 1994
P. 60
MURDER IN ATLANTIS
The following article reflects the less school that he is and outlined the
official side of Gonzaga life. Despite the negligence on the part of the Biology
considerable burden of the Department of Department in putting a predatory fish
Education’s curriculum, the pressures amongst prospective prey.
undergone by today’s Leaving Certificate Mr Mulgrew was the first witness. He
students and so on. Gonzaga still finds agreed with Mr Molloy’s deposition that
time for such! the fish had displayed aggressive
The presence of a Tiger Barb fish in the behaviour over a prolonged period. Judge
Biology Department’s newly acquired fish- Jackson kept counsel to relevant material
tank, and its murderous activities, captured with his controversial judicial methods. Mr
the imagination of a section of the school Mullett. for the defence, established clearly
for a fortnight - or was it merely the for the court that the fish was a creature of
magnificent obsession of Messrs Mulgrew habit which, in acting aggressively, was
and Barber (no relation), in pursuit of not acting unnaturally. Mr Barber was the
diversion in the midst of other tankless next witness. He confirmed what Mr
tasks? Mulgrew had said and gave details of the
purchase and behaviour of the fish.
One death is a tragedy, a million is a Both sides of the case summed up using
statistic, Stalin said. With eight bodies on emotive language and gestures. Mr Molloy
our hands we were dealing with statistical and Mr Morgan appealed to the sense of
mishap. The culprit allegedly was a Tiger vengeance and justice, Mr Mullett calling
Barb (Bilbo) and rumour ran rife. The for compassion and realistic punishment.
scandal was on the verge of bringing the The jury adjourned and returned a
school down. Scenes familiar from Paris in verdict of Not Guilty of murder, but Guilty
the summer of ‘68 were to be feared on of manslaughter. They recommended
the lawn, with angry students damaging isolation. However, after extensive
the cricket crease. consultation with both advocates, Judge
Mr Mulgrew, the Kissinger of the Jackson decided this punishment was
Science Block, not to mention the Bismark unnecessarily cruel and expensive given
of the biology lab, came up with one of his current budgetary demands upon the
brilliant ideas - not that all of them aren't. school which include the provision of
To an amazed Fifth Year biology class he magnificent cricket nets.
announced that a trial would take place Some students of a more sentimental
next Thursday to decide Bilbo’s fate. frame of mind took it upon themselves to
Counsel were appointed, as were judge ignore the decision of the judiciary and
and jury. David Molloy (Senior 5S) and took the law into their own hands. They
Simon Morgan (Senior 5C) were to assisted the fish to break - or flip - out. The
prosecute before Judge Reggie Jackson fish is now on the wanted list and may
(Senior 5S). Adrian Mullett (Senior 5A) have grown a beard and is currently
would conduct a disinterested defence. believed to be seeking an Irish passport
The day of judgement came and having invested heavily in Mr Mulgrew's
emotions ran high with some looking for Fish Food Factory.
blood and other dubious elements in First It should be noted that the proceedings
Year looking for a reprieve. The courtroom went very smoothly due to the efficient
was packed, though it could be questioned administration of Mr Morgan O'Connell,
whether the motive for some persons' acting as clerk. Thanks also to the Biology
presence was the concern to see justice Dept, despite their rather suspect move to
done or mere academic avoidance. guarantee their own immunity from
Mr Morgan rose and told us the fish was prosecution.
a vicious killer and a danger to life in the
tank. Mr Mullett stood like the pillar of the Adrian Mullett (Senior 5A)
52
The following article reflects the less school that he is and outlined the
official side of Gonzaga life. Despite the negligence on the part of the Biology
considerable burden of the Department of Department in putting a predatory fish
Education’s curriculum, the pressures amongst prospective prey.
undergone by today’s Leaving Certificate Mr Mulgrew was the first witness. He
students and so on. Gonzaga still finds agreed with Mr Molloy’s deposition that
time for such! the fish had displayed aggressive
The presence of a Tiger Barb fish in the behaviour over a prolonged period. Judge
Biology Department’s newly acquired fish- Jackson kept counsel to relevant material
tank, and its murderous activities, captured with his controversial judicial methods. Mr
the imagination of a section of the school Mullett. for the defence, established clearly
for a fortnight - or was it merely the for the court that the fish was a creature of
magnificent obsession of Messrs Mulgrew habit which, in acting aggressively, was
and Barber (no relation), in pursuit of not acting unnaturally. Mr Barber was the
diversion in the midst of other tankless next witness. He confirmed what Mr
tasks? Mulgrew had said and gave details of the
purchase and behaviour of the fish.
One death is a tragedy, a million is a Both sides of the case summed up using
statistic, Stalin said. With eight bodies on emotive language and gestures. Mr Molloy
our hands we were dealing with statistical and Mr Morgan appealed to the sense of
mishap. The culprit allegedly was a Tiger vengeance and justice, Mr Mullett calling
Barb (Bilbo) and rumour ran rife. The for compassion and realistic punishment.
scandal was on the verge of bringing the The jury adjourned and returned a
school down. Scenes familiar from Paris in verdict of Not Guilty of murder, but Guilty
the summer of ‘68 were to be feared on of manslaughter. They recommended
the lawn, with angry students damaging isolation. However, after extensive
the cricket crease. consultation with both advocates, Judge
Mr Mulgrew, the Kissinger of the Jackson decided this punishment was
Science Block, not to mention the Bismark unnecessarily cruel and expensive given
of the biology lab, came up with one of his current budgetary demands upon the
brilliant ideas - not that all of them aren't. school which include the provision of
To an amazed Fifth Year biology class he magnificent cricket nets.
announced that a trial would take place Some students of a more sentimental
next Thursday to decide Bilbo’s fate. frame of mind took it upon themselves to
Counsel were appointed, as were judge ignore the decision of the judiciary and
and jury. David Molloy (Senior 5S) and took the law into their own hands. They
Simon Morgan (Senior 5C) were to assisted the fish to break - or flip - out. The
prosecute before Judge Reggie Jackson fish is now on the wanted list and may
(Senior 5S). Adrian Mullett (Senior 5A) have grown a beard and is currently
would conduct a disinterested defence. believed to be seeking an Irish passport
The day of judgement came and having invested heavily in Mr Mulgrew's
emotions ran high with some looking for Fish Food Factory.
blood and other dubious elements in First It should be noted that the proceedings
Year looking for a reprieve. The courtroom went very smoothly due to the efficient
was packed, though it could be questioned administration of Mr Morgan O'Connell,
whether the motive for some persons' acting as clerk. Thanks also to the Biology
presence was the concern to see justice Dept, despite their rather suspect move to
done or mere academic avoidance. guarantee their own immunity from
Mr Morgan rose and told us the fish was prosecution.
a vicious killer and a danger to life in the
tank. Mr Mullett stood like the pillar of the Adrian Mullett (Senior 5A)
52
